As I mentioned, in my process of clarifying my direction, I've redefined what I am attempting to do as start a business.  It's interesting because I'm basically coming back to where I started.  I knew last fall that this was the plan.  The main differences were that I hesitated to call it a business and the product/service was less well defined.  I hesitated to call it a business because it didn't seem like I was trying to start a business in many of the traditional senses of the word.  It was partly that I just hadn't had much luck with employment, so I was trying to take work into my own hands and work for myself.  But as I've focused and clarified, I recognized what I want to do does look more like a business in some important ways.

At first I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  I knew I had a number of skills and interests, but didn't have a clear idea how I would make money with them.  I also knew that I wanted to work on music, but realized it would take time to develop.  I decided to go out on my own.  I knew that I would need support until my business got off the ground.  Not surprisingly, I haven't gotten much financial support.  (So really I am exactly where I anticipated I would be.)  Since I was starting a business, in a way what I was looking for was investment.  But I didn't know how to go about getting this, especially since what I was doing wasn't a traditional business.  Basically, I'm not starting a business for its own sake, as entrepreneurs would; I'm starting a business because it's about the only way I see of doing what I feel I need to do.

I've redefined and clarified what I want to do.  I am basically trying to start a music business, or in other words, a business which creates and sells music, both live and recorded.  I've been involved enough in music for quite a while, and I believe that I could create a successful business.  I would need some financing to get going, but I have a potential idea as to where to look for this: micro-financing.  Really, I feel good about the whole thing expect for one crucial thing: the product.  I feel I could make it successful if I had the product (music).  However I do not have this developed yet.  Furthermore, I haven't created a lot of music in the past, so I feel like I am still learning how to do it.  I think I can do it, but I'm not quite sure how, and I don't really have any idea how long it will take to develop.

With all this in mind I've been trying to figure out where this leaves me and how to move forward.  I need money yesterday, but don't know exactly how to best go about doing this (though there has been a web programming job on the horizon for a long time).  I want to seek financing for my business, but don't really feel like I can until I have the product more developed.  So basically I don't know how to finance the development stage of my business.  I know the ever present idea everyone has is to work another job until I can get it developed.  There are a few problems though.  First of all, I don't have another job.  The last job I had I was working full time, barely making enough to live on, and didn't have time to work on developing anything on the side.  That is why I quit, which brings me to the second point.  What I need for development is time; if I work on other jobs, that is time taken away from development, pushing its completion further into the future.  Which brings me to another problem: I feel a real sense of urgency; I'm getting beyond a late start.  In fact, I think by most measures I'm already too late.  I feel like I'll be pulling off quite a trick if I do get going soon, and don't know if it will even be possible later on.  So all this means that I want to try and get things going as quickly as I can.

It's been a bit frustrating though.  Art isn't like many other tasks where there are clear steps and you just start working on them.  At least if it is that way, I haven't figured it out yet.  And that's the thing, it's all pretty new to me, and so I am still trying to figure things out.  I'm not necessarily doing things most efficiently right now because I don't know how.  I am experimenting in order to try and find out what works and what doesn't.  I feel some confidence in myself; I believe I can do it, I'm just not sure how or when.  I'm trying but right now things feel a bit forced.  I think I need to find my method of working, my inspiration and/or "zone".  I feel like I am probably close, but that I haven't quite "broken through" yet.  I am hoping and thinking at some point things will start to "click" and I'll take off... but again I'm just not quite there yet.

I think it's a matter of perseverance.  This is one of those things which I recognized I couldn't do in a week or month.  I couldn't just work really hard for a little while and have it all together.  It's one of those projects which I need to just keep working on piece by piece, step by step, and trust that in the future it will add up to success.