I'm recognizing that I want to be a songwriter. I've wanted to do this for many years. Yet it seems like I do not have this talent. Over a period of something like 15 years, I've only written a few mediocre songs. I think I have some decent lyric ideas, but I'm not very good with writing the music itself. In the past I've blamed this on not having the right gear to write the kind of music I want. There may be some truth in this, but for the most part, I just don't seem to have the talent that some other people do. I believe I have as good if not better tools than other amateur musicians, yet they are able to create quality work while most everything I do sounds like junk.

I want to be a songwriter in part because I have things I want to say. I'm also picky about music styles, so I want to have input into that. Writing would allow me to lead. But if I can't write, I can't really start my own project as I've always wanted to do. I've had a vision and numerous ideas about what I want to do. But I haven't had the talent, skill, tools and resources to make anything happen. I really want to play music, but it's difficult to know how. It seems that if I can't write, my musical opportunities are limited to jumping on board what someone else is doing.

The most common styles of music bore me. I'm picky about what I like, so it's hard to find someone else who is doing something I'm interested in. It can also be difficult to find a band who needs a musician and doesn't already have all their bases covered. It's also difficult to find a group with the same goals and vision. I want to play music pretty seriously. A lot of bands get started and hope to go somewhere with it, but few actually make it. Most of the time, in order to be in a pro-band, you have to get in well before they have gone far. Yet it is very difficult to know which groups are going to make it and which aren't. Beyond this, you have to find a band who wants you to join with them. For example, I found a band I really liked about a year ago. They were looking for a bassist, but wanted someone ten years younger at oldest. I tried applying but I never heard back from them.