I'm kind of wanting and trying to start something here. I am wanting to make some new friends and start some conversations. So far, I feel like the ball hasn't really gotten rolling too much. I know it can take some time and effort to reach a "critical mass" where things start taking off. Anyway, that's what I'm trying to do here.

Also, I feel like I'm not always coming across right. I want to communicate who I am, but I don't feel like I'm giving the right impression, and I'm not sure exactly how to. I want people to like me, but I'm afraid I come across as being too weird. I'm not just talking about my website, but in real life too. Anyway, I may well be over thinking things... I do that sometimes.

I want to thank everyone for leaving comments and saying hello. While I may seem to have been pretty quiet the past couple of days, I've been working hard behind the scenes trying to improve the layout and design of the site. Let me know if you encounter any problems, and I'll try to get them corrected.

I added an "About" to hopefully help answer some questions you might have. I also changed the background so that it is hopefully easier to read. Let me know if you like the flowers or would prefer just a standard solid color. Additionally, I updated a script related to leaving comments; let me know if you have any trouble.

As a reminder I publish an rss feed of the content of this site, so you can add it to your feed reader if you use one of those.

I'm taking a ballroom dance class at school, which counts for an fitness activity credit I need. It's kind of something that I thought would be cool to know for a long time. The class is fun but kind of tough too. I was thinking about it, there's sort of this pressure for all of us to have it all together, or look like we do. It looks different for guys and girls. In the case of dancing, the guy obviously has some more responsibility, since they have to lead. So I guess it's hard to learn in part because you have to let people not just know but experience how you don't have it all together, because you're just learning. Anyway, hopefully I start to catch on where I can do I decent job of it, and at least look like I know what I'm doing. 8 )

I looked into personality types and did some online tests a few years ago. For Myer-Briggs, I first thought I was an INTP, but it seemed that more often than not the tests came out as my being an INTJ. Now here recently I took a couple of tests again and I keep getting an INFJ. I read some of the descriptions for INFJs and I thought they sounded more like me than INTJ or P. I seem to be solidly IN, but kind of borderline between F and T, and J and P. Anyway, it just kind of interesting. Here's somethings said about INFJs:

INFJs, making up an estimated 1% of all people, are the most rare type (males even more so). They are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others. INFJs are highly intuitive, empathetic and dedicated listeners. These traits tend to act as a "tell me what's wrong" sign on their forehead, hence the nicknames Confidant, Counselor or Empath. INFJs are intensely private and deeply committed to their beliefs.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions.

They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive. But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

The INFJ is valued by their close friends for their warmth and consideration, their new and interesting ways of looking at things, and for their ability to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.

This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people — a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates."

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. INFJs write and communicate well because they want to formulate their ideas clearly. They place high regard on their reader and audience. They seek to communicate their ideals to others. When their ideals need to be championed, they speak up in an enthusiastic and impassioned way.

Leisure-time pursuits for INFJs are often solitary or involve the company of others who are particularly important to them. Sitting around with dear friends discussing feelings can be very special to INFJs. INFJs are likely to have friends of long standing rather than make many new acquaintances. They may meet with their friends fairly consistently to share what is happening in their lives. It is sometimes difficult for others to break into this circle. These deep friendships are important, even though INFJs may not share much directly about themselves.

For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws. INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.

INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.

creative, smart, focus on fantasy more than reality, attracted to sad things, fears doing the wrong thing, observer, avoidant, fears drawing attention to self, anxious, cautious, somewhat easily frightened, easily offended, private, easily hurt, socially uncomfortable, emotionally moody, does not like to be looked at, fearful, perfectionist, can sabotage self, can be wounded at the core, values solitude, guarded, does not like crowds, organized, second guesses self, focuses on peoples hidden motives, not competitive, prone to feelings of loneliness, not spontaneous, prone to sadness, longs for a stabilizing relationship, fears rejection in relationships, prone to intimidation, lower energy, strict with self

From Blogthings:

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content. Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while. But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

From a "test" online. I'm not sure how accurate it is, but it can be interesting.

Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a ?couple identity? with your partner. You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire ? and perhaps even demand ? a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner?s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner?s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your ?couplehood? in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?interdependency? needs with potential partners:

?What degree of possessiveness do you think is healthy in a relationship??

?Tell me all about your philosophy or view on PDAs (?Public Displays of Affection?) ?

?On any typical night out with your friends, would you prefer to have your partner there with you or not??

Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner?s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?intimacy? needs with potential partners:

?Have you tended to avoid arguments with past partners or is it more like you to talk about all types of the feelings and concerns you have??

?Do you think couples should always be open and honest with each other, or are there things that it is okay to hold back??

?Can you talk and share on an intimate level as well as you listen to a friend in need??

Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. You have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self and a sense of accomplishment. It seems you are acutely aware ? but accepting ? of your strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, you likely feel that people who are important in your life understand you. But people in your scoring range tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals ? and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. You probably have a strong sense of control over your life and are decisive in managing it. You are also probably very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, your family, friends and acquaintances may often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. Bottom line: you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?self-efficacy? needs with potential partners:

?Do your positive qualities outweigh your faults? Why or why not??

?Do you ever feel guilty when you do not meet the expectations of your family or friends? Explain?

?Are you the type of person who likes to stand out in a crowd or go totally unnoticed??

Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?relationship readiness? needs with potential partners:

?Responding candidly, what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend??

?What are the most important responsibilities you have to a romantic partner??

?Do you feel offended or rejected when a partner asks for time, space or privacy to take care of some personal business??

Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other?s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?communication? needs with potential partners:

?Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you??

?Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain?

?Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed??

Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ?Doables? or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?conflict resolution? needs with potential partners:

?Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain?

?Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways??

?In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it??

Sexuality [Note: I believe that sex should be saved for marriage, so I didn't feel the assessment was appropriate. However I think these questions can be good if in a relationship that could be leading to that end.]

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?sexual? needs with potential partners:

?Do you think you have a stronger sex drive than most people??

?Where do you think most of your ideas and values about sex originated??

?If you felt safe, do you think you would do almost anything to please your partner sexually??

Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love ? Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as ?a ?hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.? This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you ?sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate ? a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of ?love conquers all? is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a ?love daze? and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Next, some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?love attitude? needs with potential partners:

?In choosing a partner, do you believe it is best to love someone with a similar background? Explain?

?If you truly love another person, is that enough to marry or otherwise have a committed relationship with that person??

?How do you feel about the notion that ?common interests are really unimportant; as long two people are truly in love, they will adjust???

I can certainly relate to some of the things in this article.

So what do you think of this? I made the "Smile!" page into a banner image you can put on your site!



It says something different every time you reload it (just like the "real" thing). If you like it pass it on to your friends and/or put it on your own site. Click for the link code.

Wow, I can really relate to some of the things in this article:
http://www.djchuang.com/sex/singles/bpsingles.htm