1.? Know how to make you smile when you are down
2.? Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice
3.? Stick up for you, but still respects your independence
4.? Give you the remote control during the game
5.? come up behind you and put his arms around you
6.? play with your hair
7.? his hands always find yours
8.? be cute when he really wants something
9.? offer you plenty of massages
10.? dance with you even if he feels like a dork
11.? never run out of love
12.? be funny, but know how to be serious
13.? realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious
14.? be patient when you take forever to get ready
15.? react so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts
16.? smile a lot
17.? plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you
18.? appreciate you
19.? drive five hours just to see you for one
20.? always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching
21.? sing, even if he can't
22.? have a creative sense of humor
23.? stare at you
24.? call for no reason
25.? always be there when you need him to be

1. Getting kissed in the pouring rain
2. Have that one hottt kiss where you're pressed against the wall
3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world
4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs
5. A guy that whispers he loves you in your ear
6. Have that moment where you just gaze into each other's eyes
7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
8. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about
9. Wearing his jacket/sweatshirt/t-shirt and every time you breath in, his scent surrounds you
10. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get.
11. A guy who squeezes your hand
12. A guy that says he loves you and means it
13. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window
14. A guy who is loyal
15. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it.
16. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead.
17. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable or pretty...not hot, fine, or sexy
18. A guy that will never judge you for how you look.
19. A guy that says cheezy stuff to you just to make you smile
20. A guy that is the same when he is with you and when with friends
21. A guy that tells you everything honestly
22. A guy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family
23. A guy that will always let you win
24. A guy who stands up for you no matter who he is against
25. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been
26. A guy who tells you that your smile makes everything better
27. A guy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet
28. A guy who you can hangout and have fun with
29. A guy that will just randomly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you
30. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life.
31. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance.
32. A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him. Even if he says he likes you better without make up.
33. A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a care and would still tell you that you are amazing to him.
34. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries/troubles away.
35. A guy who tells you you make his day better, just for being you

Got Game? - A Clarification of Terminology OR Where the 'Nice Guy' Goes Wrong

by Lindsey S.

Last night I popped in a movie. The film, Hitch with Will Smith, however simple, did get me thinking— would it be possible for a genuinely nice guy to hook me, I mean really hook me , if he didn't "have game"?

During the section of my Intro to Sociology class where we discuss gender, we also discuss relationships and it is so easy to immediately tell who the nice guys are from this discussion. They are baffled by why being a sincere and thoughtful person isn't enough. The women in the class, try as they might, can't explain it. They insist that they really do want a nice guy, but we know that the frustration of the men has a decent amount of truth to it.

So what is "game" anyway?

Simply put: confidence.

Of course it is more complex than that. I'll be happy to explain.

I have a friend with whom I always butt heads over this. He claims that what I advocate is dishonest and is no way to begin a relationship. He says what is the point if you can't be up front and honest about your feelings? I personally don't find not showing all your cards at once to be dishonest, but rather highly strategic. I mean, you wouldn't sit down at a table of Texas Hold 'Em and announce your cards, would you? Same rule applies here. He says that dating shouldn't be a game. I say, should or shouldn't is no matter. It IS. If you want to catch a self-proclaimed hopelessly romantic heterosexual male, by all means listen to him. If, however, you are interested in a relationship with an intelligent, confident, competent woman who desires you but doesn't NEED you, keep reading.

Of course, I'm really only speaking for myself here, but I do know a few other women who agree with me on this. All of us have the following characteristic in common: we all are deeply aware of our own worth, which means that when it comes to relationships, ultimately, we can take 'em or leave 'em.

The secret is that we need to know you can take it or leave it too.

I'll come back to that.

So what are the things that make us "leave it"? Disrespect, dishonesty, unreliability, a general boorish nature...these are all things that will make any woman who knows her worth high tail it as far from a guy as she can get. On the other end of the spectrum are the "nice guy" qualities that aren't really nice guy qualities at all: insecurity, desperation, neediness and predictability (which can be a nice-guy quality. I'll return to it). The former is a power-hungry control-freak, the latter gives up his power at every turn. Any woman who is worth her salt is looking for someone between these two extremes, someone who can hold power without clutching it, someone who knows when it is time to put the ball in the other person's court.

The "game" is really a feeling each other out to see if power can be shared. It is a test of give-and-take. It is the winning-over of the mind that must occur before the heart can ever be won.

Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I like to be courted. In the initial stages of being courted, I have the upper-hand. I have the power. I mean, stereotypically speaking, I get to choose amongst the various suitors who approach, right? The key here is that while I initially hold the upper-hand, I am deeply uncomfortable with it and I argue that anyone who is worth courting (male or female, however it plays out for you) is uncomfortable with having that kind of power as well. The only relationship that can result from the gross power imbalance that can ensue here is one that operates totally at the ego level. He worships her and she keeps him around to make herself feel important, not because she really appreciates him.

The man who is going to get and keep my attention is the man who is going to relieve me of having the upperhand by keeping me on my toes, keeping me guessing by showing very clearly that he doesn't need me, but he finds me intriguing enough to get to know better. I know he probably has many other women who desire him. I know I must play the game as well to keep him intrigued. At this point the gauntlet is thrown down. The game is on.

This is where the genuine nice guys tend to blow it. Predictability. It will kill you every time (and for those being pursued, we have to adhere to these rules as well). Now, being predictable is different from being reliable. Reliable means if you say on Tuesday that you will call on Thursday regarding plans for Friday, you call on Thursday. If you say you will meet her at the restaurant at 6pm on Friday, you are there at 6pm. This is all very good.

Predictable means that on Tuesday you make plans to go out on Friday and then you call her Wednesday night, and Thursday and Friday before the date. If we already know you are going to call, you are in trouble. Please make us wonder. It will drive us crazy...in the best way imaginable. Say we go out on Friday and have a fabulous time. At the end of the night, don't go for the make-out smooch. Give a kiss on the cheek. If you had a nice time, say it and mean it and then DON'T CALL UNTIL MONDAY OR TUESDAY! And then, call to say hi, chat for a little bit and then DON'T ASK US OUT FOR THAT NEXT WEEKEND! We hate wondering who you might be spending time with other than us, but if you don't make us wonder we'll be disappointed. I mean what is more fun to reel in, a blue-gill or a pike, you know? The best kind of courting occurs when it is unclear who is courting who. Then call us maybe on the following Monday to ask us out for the next weekend.

Predictable means set-up movie moments. You take us out to somewhere beautiful, somewhere that totally sets the mood for a night of serious smoochin'. You want to know what we're thinking? "How long will it take him to zoom in for the lips?" We've seen it before. So surprise us. Take us somewhere beautiful and then DON'T kiss us. Just talk. And then drop us off with a goodnight kiss on the cheek. We'll wonder what the hell just hit us.

This doesn't mean we don't want the genuine, nice, respectful, interested guy. WE DO! There are guys out there who know how to play the game, but have no substance beneath it. They intrigue us and they are fun to flirt with, but those of us who know our worth wouldn't touch them emotionally with a pole the length of a football field. We want a genuinely good, decent, honest person, but we need to know that you desire us, rather than need us. We need to know that you've selected us, not because you don't think you can get anyone else, but because you are enjoying discovering what makes us uniquely us. We want to know that you've selected us from a number of others because there is something about us that makes us special. And the only way to do this is make us know that we are not your sole focus, that you think about other things besides us (you may not, but we need to think you do). We want to miss you. Indulge us. Give us the space so that we can. I mean, don't you want this too? Isn't this the same reason you are turned off if a woman is predictable with you and calls too often? There's no difference! This is what the game is about. And this is the only way that can lead to a truly equitable relationship in which the balance of power is shared between both people. They've both proven that they can handle the power, but that they don't need it.

As a couple gets to know each other, gets comfortable, the need for such a game falls away. Once they are both hooked, then what becomes most important is the understanding and acceptance of each other once the fascades start to drop. Then each person needs to know the other isn't going anywhere. This will naturally occur. It doesn't need to be forced.

In the initial stages of courtship, however, knowing how to play the game is essential. It doesn't mean you are insincere, it doesn't mean you are deceitful, it means you know your own worth just as well as you are learning that I know mine. It is the only way I've ever been hooked and I mean "honestly-and-truly-can't-stop-thinking-about-him-hooked."

Hope this helps! And yes, this is copyrighted. Please credit if reposting. Thanks!

What are the biggest mistakes women make when dating?

Steve Harvey: One of the biggest mistakes women make is they expect their love to be returned the exact same way they give it out. That is one of the biggest mistakes because our love is a little bit different. It is still love, but it is not as encompassing as a woman's love. There are women who have great men, but they don't recognize it because they don't get a couple of things.

For example, a woman's love covers a number of things: It is communication skills, it is caring, and it is a nurturing skill. Women are great nurturers, great communicators. If a man gets sick, a woman nurtures him back to health just like it is in her DNA to nurture a child. She sits with you, she puts your head in her lap, she rocks with you, she checks on you constantly, she will even lay down with you and she stays with you until you are okay.

Guys' nurturing is different. We fill the prescription for you, we will heat up a can of soup, and then we go in and watch ESPN and, if you need us, call us. We love you, but how we demonstrate that love is what I call the three Ps of love: We profess, we provide and we protect.

That is how a man — if he loves you — this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Whatever his economic structure is, he provides for you and he will give you whatever he can. He will profess. If you have been dating a guy for six months, he has a title for you. If after six months, he is still calling you a friend, he has no plans for you. It doesn't take us six months to figure out if you are the one. We are just not that difficult. We are simple people.

The last P is protect. He will let nothing happen to you within his means. A man loves in threes, if he tells you he loves you, but he doesn't protect or provide for you, he is just telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants. He doesn't really love you.

What do you think are the keys to a successful relationship?

Steve Harvey: Trust and honesty is the clich? answer, but I can tell women that from a male standpoint, the key to a successful relationship is that the woman comes into the relationship with standards and requirements. That is the key to a guy: a woman who has standards and requirements and, in the book, I talk about this extensively. It is one my biggest chapters. Women have to establish their standards and requirements because the guy will only give you as much respect as you command. It is critical that a woman says up front what she wants out of a relationship — and don't worry about running a guy off. A guy who is serious about you won't run off, but you do want to run off the guys who are just coming to play. A woman wants a guy who is planning with her; not playing with her.

Don't go on a date saying stuff like, "We will see how it goes." Don't do that. Women have got to stop saying, "We will see how it goes." If not, I tell you what is going to happen: It is going to go just like the guy wants it to go. If you don't have any standards and requirements, any parameters set up in your initial dating experience, then a guy just starts exacting his will and you end up not getting what you want. A woman should never be afraid to say what she wants, what she is looking for, and if a guy doesn't want to do [what she lays out], let him go about his business, because we are going to be doing one of two things with you: We are going to be playing with you, or we are going to be planning with you. There is no in the middle with us. We are dudes.

Does that mean that women should expect to spend some time alone while they are waiting for Mr. Right?

Steve Harvey: Let me tell you this. There are guys that spend some time alone, too. When I am saying don't get involved, I am not saying you shouldn't date. I am talking about getting wrapped up into a guy. The moment you put the physical part into dating, it changes the parameters of dating. The majority of the women I know can't really separate the two. Most women — not all — but most women have to be emotionally attached to you to get physical with you. Or once they do, they are going to get physically attached to you eventually. A lot of women sleep with men they know are not the one — they know and are, "Okay," but all that does is slow down the process of meeting Mr. Right. That is how this game works. Men are very aware of that, too. We talk about it amongst ourselves. So I am saying, date, go to movies, but save your benefits for the guys that are deserving of your benefits. Don't pass out the benefits to an undeserving guy.

You say in your book that women should wait 90 days before giving out benefits ...

Steve Harvey: It is like this: You uncover a lot about a guy in 90 days. You really do. I have talked this over with a lot of men — all of my research in this book is from talking to men. I did "The Tyra Banks Show" and the authors of How To Love Like a Hot Chick: The Girlfriend to Girlfriend Guide to Getting the Love You Deserve were also there. A young girl got up and asked if it was okay to sleep with a guy on the first date and the woman's response was, "If you want to. Explore your sexuality. If you want to, sleep with the guy on the first date."

Tyra turned around and asked me how I felt about that and I said, "That is stupid. Who would tell a young girl to do this?" I am a guy and I have done everything. I have been a good man and I have been a playboy. I have done it with money and without money. I am telling you that if you sleep with a guy on the first night, it is not a smart move. We judge you from that moment on. If you sleep with me on the first night that is great for me, but I assure you that rarely works out for the woman, because the guy goes, "Wow. That was easy. The respect level is low. I can get away with anything now." We are professional hunters. We look for people like this.

But the women who slows it down, who says, "Hey, hold on. Wait a minute. I want to find out if this guy is willing to stick around." A guy who is sticking around is planning something with you. If he just wants to play with you, he just wants to get it. If you tell him, "I am going to wait a while. I don't want to rush it," he'll say, "I am out of here." Let him go.

It might not take you 90 days, but on a job, you spend eight hours a day five days a week getting to know a person before they give you benefits. You are not going to see a guy eight hours a day five days a week in the normal dating process. That is why I say 90 days is a good barometer to get a gauge on the guy to see if he works well with others, to see if he shows up on time, if he is worthy of the benefits. You women have the greatest benefit package available to man and you have lost sight of that over the years.

Your book explains how to tell the good guys from the players, but what attracts a man in the first place?

Steve Harvey: A lot of things come into play: Your confidence level, the way you carry yourself. It can be your dress, your attire. It could be your personality. Every woman doesn't fit on the cover of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition. I got that. But guess what? Most guys can't get a girl that has been on the cover of the swimsuit edition. It is a funny situation. Women have been made to believe that this is what beauty is, well guess what? There are full-figured women getting married every day. There are short women getting married every day. There are women with short hair getting married every day.

There is someone who will love you. Someone who will care for you if you are conducting yourself as a lady, if you have a great personality, if you carry yourself well, if you take care of yourself physically. You may not be the hottest chick at the office, or the hottest chick down at the club, but man, carry yourself with some dignity. Take care of yourself. You may not have a man, but dress up like you care about yourself. If you care about you, it causes someone else to care about you, too. But if you don't care about how you look, you don't care how you conduct yourself, or you don't care how you sound when you talk — like cussing at the office — nobody is signing up for that. But confidence goes a long way.